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Last time I wrote to all of you, I had completed my roto rooter. The experience of lightness in the brain, untainted lightness in the brain, lasted for a good two weeks. I could feel the scabs, and above the scabs, a ton of hair. I thought I would end up with a mohawk, and was not ready for that, so I decided to cut my hair, to manage the incoming hair. Yeah, I did feel lighter, when the half a foot of hair came off my body. Ted didn’t like it very much, but hey.

John Neighbors suggested when I got my next treatment, to see Dr. Baek, for a followup, to see where I am and what I need to do. Dr. Baek was the one that designed the 1500 burning treatment. I had mentioned Dr. Baek in my roto rooter story. I know now that Dr. Baek is a doctor from Korea. He has a PdD from Northwestern, but never got medically licensed in the US. John Neighbors gave me a phone number for Dr. Baek’s secretary, and told me that for the treatment it would cost about $325 for one treatment. I made arrangements to see Dr. Baek in July, and I did see him. Boy has this man changed, in the 15 years that I haven’t seen him. He used to be a stunning presence. He had aged, scrawny grey long hair.

Traveling to New Jersey to Dr. Baek’s retreat center, called Homo Sancto, I had a deep hesitance inside myself to see this man again, mainly because of all the stories I’d heard about him, which as a woman were very disturbing to me. I know though that he is a truly amazing human being who has reached a level of presence in the tangible world that is very rare. What I mean by presence is that one can be as connected with the reality of the tangible world as to the intangible world.

The first thing that I shared with Dr. Baek was that after the roto rooter brain treatment I had two severe panic attacks, as if the heat of the burnt herbs broke up frozen images in my brain, and I could not separate the past from the present. It was all just mixing and rolling around in my mind. These broken images had a lot to do with first chakra stuff: sex. I knew that my father’s polygamous life had impacted me, as well as my mother, but I never knew that it led to a deep-rooted panic in me. Dr. Baek said that this is what he does pick up in my pulses, but above the panic flows depression. What’s new, I thought. As if it’s just known to me and I had lived with it, not knowing that I could do something about it. I never felt compelled to go to a shrink or a psychologist because words, to me, are not the deepest level of communication.

Dr Baek perscribed me two herbs, one to take at night Serenadin for panic, and during the day an herb for depression: Leitzin (When I started taking Serenadin, I was so tired and relaxed that no sound disturbed my sleeping, even Ted’s snoring, and you don’t know how aggravated I had become hearing this little pig sound when near the moment of drifting off. I used to proclaim – seperate bedrooms!). I have known about these two herbs for over ten years, and self-prescribed them and used them. Dr. Baek was rather upset with me that I hadn’t wiped this thing (MS) out of my system yet. He says, you can do it within six months. You take these herbs, something for your hormones that are jumping around in you, and something for your bones. You need to get yourself on a strict regimin of 3 treatments (needles) per week. At first I thought, how does he know how many times I have broken my bones, and ended up with a bone tumor when I was 13? And how in the world would his #1 student not tell me that I can heal my MS, but that I have to do this regimen? John was standing right there, so I did not want to say this, to make him look bad.

It’s been a month and I have been taking the herbal anti-depressant and herbal anti-panic formulas. The hormones supplements I had been taking even before he told me and I’ve continued. It regulated my menstrual cycle, and low and behold, it made me grow into the woman I was meant to be, going from a 34B to a 36C. Okay. Everything grew. My weight changed. I would not say I’m fat, but I defintely am fuller. And I accept. Quite contrary to when I was young when I was fighting with womanhood with anorexia and bulimia.

I’m sitting here at Applebees in New Jersey, August 9th, 2008, with Ted. And soon enough, I’ll be under the hands of Dr. Baek again, 7pm appointment at the Homo Sanctus. So this will be my 2nd treatment with him. I promised myself that in my 5th treatment with Dr. Baek I will treat myslf to a reading. What I know about a reading is that Dr. Baek is well equipted to tell me when my MS started, where and how, how in my life in continued. It almost feels like a psychic reading, but it’s not a psychic reading. It’s just that the pulses will tell him where I have been and where I am now. It’s a good birthday present because it helps me to integrate this story, and let it go with a smile.

Until the next time, my friends,

Love, Regula

Regula has been telling me about Eric Small, an Iyengar yoga teacher in his 70s that was diagnosed with MS back in the 50s. His website refers to his teacher trainings, which Regula has talked about going to, but the dates there are for 2006. Today, when searching the web for more information, we found this page by Roger Nolan, Yoga Therapy and Multiple Sclerosis, who apparently works with people with MS as well. Maybe Roger is someone for Regula to talk with about developing her own practice with folks with MS. In fact, a little more digging yielded this by Roger: Yoga for MS. Interesting person!

Hello everyone,

Some time has past since I last wrote to you. I kind of scared some of you, but some of you really connected from your own life story with me, and that was beautiful.

As some of you know, this past Monday I had a brain intervention. This was done in a acupuncture clinic and the method of the intervention was assigned by Dr. Sun Beck, a physician who grew up in Tibetan monastery where he learned aoubt acupuncture, herbology and chi gong. It was him that designed this brain treatment for MS. It was done then by a master teacher in Evanston who is a friend of mine, and has been helping me for the last 15 years, John Neighbors.

The treatment started at 9am and was supposed to last 5 hours. In the treatment plan, 1500 pyramid-shaped piles of herbs (moxa) were burned on 5 points of my skull, relating to the elements. We started with metal, burned 300 there. I was able to use my yoga breathing to make it through those 300, and had incredible experiences of energy/heat being pushed through the folds of my brain (I call them worms). I experienced the opening of those folds and it was quite colorful.

As we then moved on to the other 4 points, since the first one took 5 hours, John Neighbors lit all 4 points at the same time. There was no chance I could follow the experience through my brain, because it was sooooo painful. When I “hissed like cobra” John made smaller pyramids, and I had a relief for 3 or 4 rounds. Sometimes I thought I wouldn’t make it, because it was just too painful.

I had gone through days before the treatment of knowing I wanted and needed to do this, linked to fear. I didn’t know how I would make it through 5 hours of sitting, if I had to pee! Yes, I did end up buying Depends for that day. But the sphincter muscles, during the treatment, actually contracted, so I didn’t need to depend on Depends.

The last 80 rounds of burning, I asked my partner Ted (who was there throughout), not to count up anymore, please, so he started to count down from 80. What a relief! And during those 80, my first thought was, I shall reach 80 years old in this life. I had always thought I’d die before that since my parents both passed on younger. And every number thereafter was a revalation of where I would be at that age in time. When I came to 47, my present age, I felt like I was reborn, and could count down from then on, letting go of all that had happened in my life, from bad relationships, to my own anger and resentments and jealousies, that I have housed in my brain. When I came to 19, when MS started for me, I felt I could let go of a bad dream. From then on, all I was thinking about was that I would be coming back to teh state of a brain of a baby, untainted. And that I would never, ever, let anyone walk on my brain again, abuse me, control me.

I was so tired when the treatment ended at 7pm that I fell right into bed, fell to sleep, but when I woke up I felt a lot of energy. My walking, my gait had normalized 100%. Many things felt better. The day after, I was teaching one class, and fell into deep sleep thereafter. So the recovery is now also one of a baby having learning to walk and then being dead tired from teh exertion of being alive.

much love and joy,
Regula

PS from Ted: The bathroom is down a long hallway from the acupuncture studio in this particular office, and the first break we took, Regula needed my help quite a bit, to even make the trip. Throughout the day, however, every time we made that walk, Regula needed my help less and less. By the end, before than last 80, I could hardly keep up with her, walking down that hallway. I’ve never experienced her walking quite so quickly before. Today we walked to lunch, to a place we often walk to. And again, sometimes it was hard to keep up with her.

Yes, in many ways, I experienced this burning of herbs on her head as quite surreal. “What the fuck is this?” I thought. And yet, the results speak for themselves.